epilogue

Since then, I have rebuilt my life. I now create educational content that teaches the early-literacy and early-numeracy methods I developed while working closely with young children. Because surviving abuse required constant pattern analysis, attunement, and rapid interpretation of subtle cues, I unintentionally carried those skills into my work with children. They became strengths. I grew adept at reading their developmental needs, tracking how they learned, finding toys, designing games and interactions that helped even very young children begin reading or doing foundational math. I’ve had multiple two-year-old clients show reading readiness; others had children who progressed quickly with methods tailored through observation and play.

Today my work is focused on sharing these early-education methods online while continuing my own recovery. My aerial rig is currently in storage, but once it is set up, I plan to resume teaching aerial from home. My children are now both in college, and I’m taking time to process the trauma I lived through, rebuild stability, and care for my cats.

In addition to my educational work, I also offer spiritual healing practices remotely. I work with clients using the same meditative and awareness-based methods that allowed me to develop the high level of self-observation and intuitive pattern detection that ultimately ensured my survival in an extraordinarily dangerous situation. I now teach meditation students how to cultivate that same internal clarity, self-awareness, and perceptual precision. These practices are an extension of the discipline and inner architecture I relied on throughout the events described in this memoir, and I continue to guide others in building those capacities for themselves.

After the events described in this memoir, my life did not immediately stabilize. Because of ongoing dissociation, amnesia, and a nerve injury in my neck that caused vertigo, fainting episodes, and occasional seizures, I was unable to maintain a full work schedule. As a result, I did not have enough income to live independently, and I spent six months living in my ex-husband’s home.

The situation was difficult. During that period he regularly sent sexually inappropriate messages and attempted to initiate contact I did not want. Had I been financially able to secure my own place, I would have, but my medical limitations made that impossible at the time. I also remained vigilant about avoiding any accidental return to the relationship with my abuser. He repeatedly contacted me, violated boundaries, asked me to marry him again, and engaged in harassment—including stalking behaviors, keying my car, and contacting my employer in an attempt to have me fired. Living with my ex-husband provided a limited layer of protection; although the abuser still damaged property and one of my cats disappeared, I believed the risk was lower there than if I had lived alone.

When my work contract ended I left the state entirely.