Chapter 7: Inheritance of Harm
This might be one of the hardest posts I make. Most of this was something I found notes of and later compiled, or had flashbacks to him saying starting a few weeks after I first got an order of protection that was served.
In regressed or dissociative states, the brain's judgment system, primarily the prefrontal cortex (PFC), goes offline or functions in a limited way. This means experiences can be recorded without active moral evaluation, especially when survival takes precedence. Later, once a person is in a safer environment and the PFC comes back online, those same experiences may be reinterpreted or judged differently, often triggering flashbacks or moral distress. For people with dissociative systems, the sense of “wrongness” often only fully emerges when conditions allow for memory integration, emotional safety, and adult-level cognitive reasoning to converge, sometimes years after the original event, once safety has been established.
Get ready to be creeped out.by the series of flashback memories I had, or things I found written in notes in my phone. Presented like a trauma dump list, so you can get the experience of remembering bad things in flashback form, and having to figure out what it means.
According to Sean, Carole had accused him of molestation.
One daughter was interviewed as a toddler and was said to have responded to every single question with the sentence “I love my daddy.”
Carole accused him of molesting the other daughter and he petulantly told me that he responded to her by blaming it on her teenage cousin.
Younger daughter was shown rape pornography by Ghislanes older son and invited to recreate it and record it.
One time, when I was dissociated and in an overstimulated trance-like state, (possibly induced purposefully by Sean) he pulled out of me that I had been in pornographic videos, then spent a week manipulating me into telling him the stage name. He raped me while forcing me to watch a video I was in, then told me I was disgusting and left.
He subsequently spent hours every single day trying to find any picture or clip of anything I was in, and would interrogate me and threaten me if I wouldn’t reveal things to him. Several hours. Of porn. Daily. For weeks.
I told him there was one I didn’t remember the name of, and for weeks he complained that “EVERYONE got to see it and [he] didn’t…”
(please brace yourself for the next part)
“…just like [he] didn’t get to see [his daughter’s] porn.”
Those words. He said those words.
As mentioned before, his step-son, while married to Ghislane, showed his daughter a pornographic video of a woman being beaten unconscious, stripped and then sexually assaulted. He asked her to recreate the video with him, and they used an ipad to film it. This is obviously uncomfortable. The big thing here was: WHY is THAT the pornography the children decided to recreate? How did it raise no red flags with them, why did they believe it was okay to hit someone until they were sleeping and take off their clothes, and mush their privates around? I just- this whole story is very. quite, very, weird.
Sean frequently told me what good care he took of his daughters if we were talking about them. He had this tone, and would get breathy about brushing their hair. How much he brushed their hair.
He mentioned enough times to make me uncomfortable that he took good care of their vaginas. He always cleaned them. and he would even bring this up if he was talking about women he’d had sex with and seen their vaginas. Like: “yours is the prettiest,” and “I’ve seen so many, even my daughters, but obviously I didn’t have sex with them,” “…I cleaned them so well.” Thats not a direct quote but the gist of what I heard many times. I wish I wouldnt have been so dissociated because that’s a huge red flag.
Like, we all assume if someone has a kid they are cleanign their genitals since kids constnantly soil themselves. Why are you thinking about that in context of people’s whose genitals youve seen for sex?
he told me how he would bathe with them every day when they were infants and would describe how he held them on his arm and massaged them and cleaned them (no mention of genitals during this part,) but it was tone breathy tone that creeped me out. Also that he mentioned it so much.
We visited his daughters, the first time I met them, New Year’s Day 2023. He hadn’t seen for a year, since the last Christmas. He kept saying “anywho-ha.” As in anyhooha. I explained to him that hooha referenced vaginas, and he still did it many times in their presence, and in the presence of their two friends. Then he referred to their dog as a “fur burger” twice, even in front of Carole. I couldn’t tell, at the time if he knew what that meant but given his pornography obsession, he obviously did.
When we first started having Sean’s son (age 5 a the time) over Sean started showering with him.
So, this child that Sean had no desire to see regularly, or care for (I was responsible for ALL the parenting when he was with us)— Sean also showered with him. Totally naked. Or he would sit and watch him shower. And try to get me to go in with him and watch.
I was not comfortable with that and declined.
Sean pulled his sons pants down exposing his butt in front of me and embarrassed him.
Another time, I found Sean in his sons room in the morning, both in their underwear. The first thing his five year old said was “its ok, we can be in our underwear together, we’re boys.”
Which is an odd thing to say immediately, for a child who was uncomfortable sitting on his dads lap 3 months before that because he didn’t know he was his father.
Right before I got the OOP, part of the final straw, was finding this drawing of a figure that appears to have multiple penises, and is urinating and defecating. I broke up with Sean that week because I refused to helplessly handle trauma in his sons life again, while he and his ex ignored it.
After I began speaking with him again 6 months later, he told me that his son had been sharing a mattress with his older brother while at his mother’s house— the same boy that showed his daughter the rape porno and recreated it with her.
What I think:
None of this is explicable in a way that is acceptable. I think the meth and porn use heavily impacted Sean and made him especially deviant. I think he was unaware of his dissociation (or what I have observed as his dissociation,) including his age-regression. He was molested as a child and I believe he may have been playing things out again, unaware that 4 decades had passed. None of that is an excuse. Also though, he purposefully made me think like a child, and I’m not out here recreating his actions, beating people to reset them, then trying to make them a child-killing sex slave…so.. at some point, you have to look at your life and wonder if you are the problem.
I tried to reach out to both of Sean’s baby mamas when I started remembering these things, when the patterns started clicking. I sent messages. I even sent the drawing Sean’s son had made. Both ignored me.
I reported everything to child protective services. I told the police. None of it led to meaningful intervention for the children.
And yet, once I was out of the picture, both mothers gave Sean unsupervised access to their children. Not just his children, but also Ghislane’s four other kids. No hesitation. He was posting images of all the kids with him and had pictures of the toddlers on his lap.
